HANGING ON

HANGING ON

Imagine how St. Peter felt standing face to face with a resurrected Jesus.  The only word that might properly describe his emotional state would be kaleidoscope.  Fear, joy, anxiety, humiliation, hope and love spinning around madly throughout his mind and body. Most of us would collapse under the strain. Perhaps he did. Jesus’ look of love would have pierced his heart. That is how everyone feels when they have been forgiven. 

When we speak of forgiveness, for the most part, we speak of how and why we should forgive.  We usually only think of our feelings and rarely the feelings of the one forgiven.  Forgiveness has two sides. Both parties are relieved of a burden and each feels a sense of freedom.  When you try to sort out the emotional firestorm of both, you wind up falling back on the cliché, “It’s complicated.”

How do we do it?  How do we let go of things that have hurt us and ruined our sleep?

How do we stop feeling good when the offending party’s luck turns bad or when we perceive we have scored a point against them?  We start by praying. Asking God to teach us mercy or asking God to strengthen our resolve to ask for it. 

I liken what it takes to ask for forgiveness or to forgive to the same strength that is required to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.   We want to hang on for dear life to the strap, which is the grudge or the guilt. We are not sure who we will be after we let go. That, of course, is the point.  If we have let either define us, we are certainly not who we should be or should want to be.  We have to let go of the strap.  We may scream all the way down but God stands ready to catch us.  

I read somewhere that if you ask forgiveness and it is denied, it’s not your problem anymore. But that is not true.  It will always be there unresolved.  On the other hand, refusing to forgive means you are keeping the grudge in your heart. In either case, a heart filled with bitterness or guilt leaves little room for God. 

My mother told me long ago that whenever the issue surfaces, pray for the other person.  The first time I tried it, I must admit I did it grudgingly, but to my surprise it worked. Whatever we need to do the right thing, God is there to bestow it.  As it is with everything else we have to trust in Him.  His mercy endures forever.

Blessings,

Carol Lemelin